THE WET SINNER
by Stan Paregien
Copyrighted 1992
Henry Bellows was an old-time cowboy
Over on the giant Slash K spread.
He was not an atheist but then again,
Religion was never much in his head.
'Course, that was before he married
Widow O'Riley when he was fifty-three.
She was a dedicated Christian and
Was determined to convert old Henry.
Now the fly in the ointment was that
Henry had himself a reputation grand.
He could do more smokin', drinkin' and
Cussin' than anybody in the land.
"There's nothing that prayer and the Lord
Cannot change," said she, when they wed.
But no matter how much she pleaded,
His rowdy ways seemed almost inbred.
Her big chance came in the summer of '56,
At a revival at the country congregation.
"Preacher," she said, "I'll get him here
"So you can explain his unsaved situation."
Her plan sounded pretty doggone easy,
But it sure didn't turn out thata way.
When she asked him to go to the revival,
He began to cuss and balk and bray.
"Henry, unless you attend our revival,
No more home cookin' will you be fed.
And something else for you to think about,
You'll be sleeping out in a bunkhouse bed."
Henry fussed and fumed at this womanish
And unwelcome intrusion on his way of life.
And the thought of no cussing, smoking or
Whiskey cut him like a gelding knife.
But a smart cowboy knows when to bend,
Rather than to unyieldingly stand and break.
So he agreed to go to the revival, and on
His wife's theological biases to meditate.
The first night ol' Henry hung his head
Like a stallion first broke to ride.
Being there in church was an awful blow
To his rough and tumble cowboy pride.
Funny thing happened, though, as the revival
Wound near the end of the first long week.
Old Henry lifted his head up a bit
And at his wife's Bible did take a peek.
Five nights later something happened
And everyone was wonderfully surprised.
For Henry went forward at the invitation
And said he was ready to be baptized.
The preacher went on and on about how
Henry's Example would lead others to the Lord.
"You see, my dear brethren," he orated loud,
"How the Word is mightier than the sword."
Down at the river, the preacher said:
"Henry's heart has changed, oh so true."
And he grabbed Henry by his collar and
Pulled him backward beneath the water blue.
Now, Henry had never seen anyone baptized
And he wasn't exactly ready for it, yet.
He came up out of the river spittin' water
And cussing because his tobacco got wet.
Henry's poor wife was mortified and
She fainted right there on the spot.
And the visiting evangelist, well,
He decided Henry's New Birth was not.
To tell you the truth, folks around here
Are still talking about Henry, even yet.
The only difference they saw was that
He went down a dry sinner and came up wet.
Written at Snyder, Texas on April 3, 1992.
This material is copyrighted and may not be reprinted
or performed without the written permission of the author.
