I am invited to perform at many Cowboy Poetry Gatherings across the country. And most of these events that carry over to Sunday have "cowboy church." Now these are very informal affairs where the cowboys and cowgirls keep their hats on most of the time and where boots and jeans are standard dress. And, most often, the preacher--if there is one--is a real working cowboy who wouldn't know a seminary from a cemetery. So the lessons, if not polished, are down-to-earth and understandable.
Well, it was during just such a cowboy church service that what I'm about to tell ya really happened. Only what happened was so embarrassing to everyone concerned that I'm not going to name names.
What happened was this: an older cowboy and his wife were seated on the second row over on the left side of the cowboy preacher. The old cowboy wore faded jeans and a starched brown work shirt. She, however, wore an expensive dress and shawl, and a large hat with a big, shiny hat pin stuck in it. The problem was that this old cowboy's wife almost always fell asleep during the sermon, no matter where they went to church, and he was getting sick and tired of it. He sure didn't want her going to sleep while a fellow cowboy was preaching.
But two minutes into the sermon she was snoring and snorting to beat the band. That didn't slow the cowboy preacher down. He decided to involve the audience and so at a certain point in his sermon he shouted out, "And who created all there is in six days and rested on the seventh?"
About that time, the old cowboy was so fed up with his wife's snoring that he pulled her hat pin out and jabbed her in the rump. She jumped to her feet and screamed, "Good God almighty!"
The cowboy preacher didn't expect such an enthusiastic response, but it kinda got him pumped up. "Amen, sister," he shouted. "That's exactly right."
A few minutes later, again with the woman snoring away, the preacher was wound up and letting it fly. He shouted out another question: "And who died on the cross to save us from our sins?"
The old cowboy was so disgusted with his wife's loud snoring that he stuck her again with that big hat pin. She jumped to her feet and involuntarily yelled, "Jesus Christ!"
The cowboy preacher had never had such dramatic responses from an audience before, and the woman's forceful words were like saying "sic ‘em" to a dog. "Oh, you are so right, sister," he said. And he began preaching even stronger.
When the cowboy preacher got to another appropriate spot in his sermon, he asked: "And brothers and sisterns, what was it that Eve said to Adam after the birth of their second son?"
Meanwhile, the old cowboy was poised to jab his wife with the hat pin, again. But she had caught on and saw him holding the hat pin. And in a voice that could be heard all over the small auditorium she said, "If you stick that thing in me, again, I'll break it off!"
That pretty much ended the church service for that Sunday morning.
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