If you know anyone who is hard of hearing, you know that life can be pretty rough on them and on those around them. Take my uncle Wilbur Mexx, for instance. He was born with normal hearing and as a youngster, could still hear as well as anybody there in my hometown of Wapanucka, Oklahoma. Sometimes he heard more than he should have, as when he was leaning up against the school house wall, next to an open window, and he heard Mrs. Travathan, his sixth grade teacher, agree to meet Mr. Isaacs, the also married eighth grade teacher, down by the lake that evening. But we don't have the time to get into all that happened that night, not by a long shot.Anyhow, when Uncle Wilbur returned from the Big War he couldn't hear nearly as well as when he left. He had been a gunner on a big Navy ship and all that noise took its toll on his hearing. He wound up saying "Huh?" a lot. Or he would try to guess at what was being said to him, sometimes with amazing accuracy and once in a while with equally amazing inaccuracy. Or he would just ignore what was being said. People with normal hearing do that, too, don't you know?
Jobs were as scarce as dogs with name tags on them, because of all those soldiers suddenly returning home at the end of World War II. But Uncle Wilbur managed to get hired on at Snofeld's Service Station. It didn't last too long, though. Fact is, he got fired.
Now keep in mind that this was in the days when a "service station" provided real service. There was no such thing as "self-serve". The attendant would check your oil and water, air up your tires, and if requested, he would clean out the floor board of your car with either a whisk broom or an air hose.
Seems that a rich, dignified lady drove her car up there one afternoon and says, "Where is your rest room?" And poor hard-of-hearing Uncle Wilbur thought she said, "Where is your whisk broom?" And, being real proud of the fact that they had a long air hose, instead of just a whisk broom, he said, "Lady, you just stand there and I'll get my air hose and blow it out for you." Neither the lady nor Mr. Snofeld had a sense of humor.
By the time Uncle Wilbur got to be sixty his hearing loss was really causing problems. And on top of that, he had pretty much lost his sex drive. So one day Aunt Deborah, made him go see Dr. Habberly for a checkup to see if maybe the doctor could give him something to pep him up. Uncle Wilbur reluctantly went to the doc and , lo and behold, when he came Uncle Wilburn home he was a tiger. He insisted on making love four or five times a day, sometimes right wherever it was that the notion hit him.
Aunt Deborah couldn't believe the change that had come over him, and she decided to go to the doctor herself to see if he could do something that would help her keep up with Uncle Wilbur. So the next day, after a little morning delight, he drove her to Dr. Habberly's office. She went inside and said to the doctor, "Wilbur is a love-making machine, now. Can you do the same thing for me?"
Dr. Habberly looked confused and perplexed. "I gave Wilbur a checkup, but I didn't prescribe anything for him. And I don't remember saying anything that would change his behavior so radically. Why don't we have him come in, too?"
Aunt Deborah signaled for Wilbur to come in from the reception room. She said, "Repeat to Dr. Habberly what it was that he said to you that has made you a changed man."
Uncle Wilbur said, "Huh?"
And she repeated it, only twice as loud.
"Why, doc," Uncle Wilbur said with a big grin, "you mean you've forgotten the wonderful advice you gave to me? You said, ‘Be cheerful. You have a hot mama!'"
Doctor Habberly shook his head and said, very loudly, "Wilbur, you didn't hear me correctly. What I actually said was, ‘Be careful. You have a heart murmur!"
After that, Aunt Deborah made him drive to Durant and buy a hearing aid.
Even then, his hearing got worse. And also, he began to forget things. Most things. Most of the time. When he was about seventy-two-years old, he walked into the parlor where Aunt Deborah was doing her sewing. And he looked around the floor, up on the tops of the various tables and dressers. She watched him for a while and then, noticing something strange, she yelled, "Wilbur, what is that sticking in your right ear?"
And Uncle Wilbur said, "Huh?"
So she repeated her question, only twice as loud. "What is that sticking in your right ear?"
Uncle Wilbur felt inside in his right ear and pulled something out. He held it up and said, "I'll be hornswaggled. There's my suppository. I sure hate to think where I put my hearing aid."
*Tex Mexx is the stage name of Stan Paregien, Sr.
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